It was August 2019; I was heading to meet my beloved in a gorgeous little Airbnb he found for one of our many rendezvous. At that time, Chris was my secondary partner, and the kids didn’t know that their father and I were in a polyamorous relationship and practicing non-monogamy. Chris was also traveling the world on his walkabout year, and we were seeing each other every 4-6 weeks in the first two years of our relationship, which was perfect at the time. This gave us both the space to continue our independent lives while nurturing our relationship in a way that would create the foundation we would build upon years later.

There’s no denying that Chris and I have incredible chemistry and connection, which makes our sex life delicious. Combine that with not seeing one another as often, and you get a lusty sexual tension.

He picked me up from SFO after a press trip to Aruba; we drove to Mill Valley and arrived at the Airbnb around 11 PM. During the entire car ride, we were flirting and couldn’t keep our hands off one another like teenagers who were madly in love. We quietly found our room in the house, unpacked our bags, and started having sex…almost all night.

When we woke up in the morning, we received a message from our host about the noise. DAMMIT…we had received another noise complaint. After getting ready, we went downstairs to have breakfast, and that’s when we met Jena LeFlamme.

Jena is a tantrika and sexual empowerment coach. After gently talking about our noisy evening, she told us more about her work and offered us a private tantra workshop. After Chris and I talked it through, we decided to explore and expand this area of our sexuality. Plus, we were celebrating our one-year anniversary and thought, why not! So the next day, we were nestled in the woods and about to experience our first tantra workshop together. While this wasn’t the first time I’d heard of Tantra as a spiritual practice, it was the first time I had explored it in the realms of sexuality.

What is Tantra?

Tantra is an ancient spiritual tradition that originated in the Indian subcontinent around the middle of the 1st millennium CE that encompasses both Hinduism and Buddhism. Often misunderstood in contemporary culture, tantra is a multifaceted practice that seeks to guide it’s followers towards spiritual liberation and self-transformation. At its core, tantra aims to help practitioners achieve spiritual liberation and personal transformation through various practices, including rituals, disciplines, meditation, and sometimes even sexual practices. 

The term "tantra" comes from the Sanskrit word that means "to weave" or "compose," and it refers to a type of instructional text, often written as a dialogue between a god and a goddess. One of the key principles of tantra is the concept of "non-duality," which asserts that all things are interconnected and that the ultimate reality transcends the dualities of existence, such as good and evil or pleasure and pain.

In its essence, Tantra is about achieving freedom and unity, and expressing one's true self. It is a practice that invites you to be 100% present in each moment and choose to experience it fully without trying to escape or change it.

Through Tantra, we learn to break free from the limits of our ego and conditioning. We learn to let go of our fears, doubts, and inhibitions and embrace the fullness of our being.

At the heart of Tantra is the practice of mindfulness – the ability to be fully present in each moment without judgment or distraction. Through mindfulness, we learn to tune in to our bodies, emotions, sensations, and surroundings, experiencing everything with a sense of openness and curiosity. We learn to let go of our mental chatter, quiet our minds, and connect with our true selves.

Tantra recognizes that sexuality is a powerful force that can be used to connect with our partners, explore our bodies and desires, and awaken our spiritual selves. However, Tantra also acknowledges that sexuality is just one aspect of our being and that there are many other ways to experience unity, joy, and freedom.  

Our Tantra Workshop Experience

Our private workshop experience took place in a clearing between the redwood trees just outside the house. Jena guided us down a path where our little tantric love nest and ritual space were nestled in. We set up an altar using a bunch of Jena’s altar talismans that she’s gathered over the years and brought our own items to add to it as well.

We started by opening up our ritual space and setting intentions for our time together. I talked to Jena about a few areas of my sexuality that I desired to explore, and one of them was giving pleasure. For years I felt so uncomfortable giving my partners pleasure. As someone who survived sexual trauma and intimate partner abuse, the idea of giving pleasure made me feel used. And I wanted to heal this part of me especially because I was starting my sexual awakening journey then, and I wanted to offer pleasure to my lover.

She led us through our sacred sensual awakening while opening up the channels of our spiritual and energetic bodies. I was lit. We practice awakening each of our five senses to one another, which created this incredible experience that was soul-shattering, life-altering, and deeply healing.

One of the last practices we explored in our six-hour private Tantra workshop was a lingam (penis) massage. Before that moment, I had grown a visceral disgust for cock. After being guided to offer my beloved a penis massage while connecting to my own pleasure during that sacred ritual changed everything for me. I remember feeling like a divine goddess offering my partner love, connection, peace, and presence. The qualities of pleasure I had never connected to, and if I did, it was so long ago that I didn’t even remember.

I’ll never forget that moment in the woods. That experience, amongst many others, is just one of the many threads that weaved together this life and passion I have as The Sexual Wealth Coach. It helped me to know in my body that authentic, genuine, powerful, and loving partnerships can exist. Exquisite sexual experiences are possible. And seeing the divinity and sacred power in another person is one the most compassionate and empowering things you can do for yourself and another person.

Tantra is my spiritual practice.

In 2020 I deepened my connection to Tantra and enrolled in the Tantric Institute of Integrated Sexuality, Founded by Layla Martin to get certified as a VITA™ Tantric Sex and Relationship Coach. It was a 650-hour training program that expanded my knowledge and experience of Tantra beyond what I had learned in that first workshop. I learned about the history and philosophy of Tantra, the chakra system, and how to work with clients to help them connect with their spiritual and erotic selves.

Through my training and my own personal practice, I have found that Tantra is not just about sex but about creating a more authentic and fulfilling life. It has helped me to release shame, heal past trauma, and connect more deeply with myself, my family, and my community.

I now integrate Tantra into all aspects of my life, from my work as a coach to my personal relationships and daily rituals. It has become a way of life for me, a practice that guides me to live in the present moment, connect with my highest self, and experience the fullness of my being.

I am grateful for stumbling into that Airbnb and meeting Jena LeFlamme. Without that experience, I may have never discovered Tantra and the profound impact it would have on my life. Tantra found me, and I am forever changed because of it.