Being a parent is a sacred duty

When I became a mother 19 years ago I had no idea what the hell I was doing or what I was going to do

I found out I was pregnant with Airis at 24 weeks pregnant. Needless to say, I was shocked and surprised. I never wanted to be a mother. Growing up in the home and my childhood, motherhood was the last experience I ever thought I would have. I was sexually abused as a child, my home life was filled with domestic violence, and after my suicide attempt at 15 years old, I internalized the belief that I was broken, unloveable, and unworthy due to all my experiences.

After a week or two of tears, mourning the life I thought I was going to have for myself, and facing the fear of telling all of the family the news of the unexpected arrival of my firstborn in a little over 3 months, I made one of the most difficult decisions of my life. I decided to keep my baby and become a mother.

I knew I wasn't ready to be a mother. I didn't have the financial stability, emotional maturity, or experience needed for the job. But something inside me told me that I had to do it. That this child was meant to be in my life for a reason.

I had no idea how to be a good role model or how to provide a stable and safe environment for my child. I moved out of my parent’s house 6 months before finding out I was pregnant and barely finished cosmetology school. I was scared of repeating the same patterns of abuse and dysfunction that I experienced growing up and nervous that my mental health would get in the way of me being a present parent.

I went through a lot of inner turmoil, doubts, and fears. I was scared of how life would change, of being responsible for another human being, of not being able to give the baby everything he or she needed.

One thing I knew for sure which was if I was going to be a mother, I wasn’t going to raise my children the way my parents raised me. 

My kids would learn the importance of self-love, respect, and boundaries. 

They would know that their achievements or external validation does not determine their worth but the inherent value they possess as human beings. 

They would know that mistakes are opportunities for growth and that failure is not a reflection of their worth. 

They would know they are loved unconditionally, not because of what they do or don't do, but simply because they exist.

As I embarked on this new chapter of my life, I realized that motherhood was not just about raising a child but also about healing myself. It was about becoming the person I always wanted to be, the parent I needed as a child. It was about breaking the cycle of dysfunction and trauma and creating a new legacy of love and healing.

I have learned the true meaning of unconditional love and the power of forgiveness. I have experienced that vulnerability and authenticity are keys to meaningful relationships and that there is strength in asking for help when we need it.

In raising my children, I have learned so much about myself and the essential lessons needed to be a good ass human to yourself.

1. Self-love and personal values: I wanted my children to know that they are worthy and deserving of love and respect, and that they should cultivate a positive relationship with themselves first and foremost. I taught them to practice self-care, self-compassion, and how to identify their own personal values and core beliefs.

2. Healthy relationships and boundaries: I wanted my children to learn how to build healthy and meaningful relationships with others based on mutual respect, trust, and communication. I taught them to value their friendships, to treat others with kindness and empathy, and to recognize and avoid toxic relationships.

3. Perseverance and emotional resilience: I wanted my children to know that life can be challenging at times but that they have the inner strength and emotional resilience to overcome obstacles and setbacks. I taught them to embrace failure as an opportunity for growth and learning and to never give up on their dreams and goals.

4. Celebration and empathy: I wanted my children to appreciate the blessings in their life, and to develop a sense of empathy, compassion, and celebration for others. Life is about taking each other higher and I knew from the lessons I learned in my own home that if we can’t take one another higher at home it’ll be harder when we’re surrounded by a world who wants to bring women and gender-expansive leaders down.

These four life lessons have been the foundation of my parenting journey, and they also turned out to be the same lessons I come back to every single time I go through some life transition or expansion of growth. It’s the same lessons I find myself teaching my clients at the beginning of our coaching containers because it is essentially the lessons I wish my mama taught me.

Motherhood has been the greatest gift and the greatest challenge of my life. It has tested me in ways I never thought possible, but it has also brought me more joy, love, and fulfillment than I ever imagined. I may not have known what I was doing when I became a mother, but I have learned along the way and grown in ways I never thought possible. And even though I never thought I'd be a mother, I'm so grateful that I am. My daughters bring me so much joy, meaning and purpose to my life. They are my greatest gifts, my greatest teachers, and my greatest adventure.