The Most Intimate Self-Love Practice: Self Pleasure
In a society that traditionally centralizes on sex from a man’s vantage view, sexuality from a woman’s point of view is not as openly shared, discussed, or celebrated. The culture we live in has normalized masturbation for men, but the topic around self-pleasure for women and non-binary beings has been not only taboo but also looked at as shameful or dirty. What is backward about that imposition is that a huge part of who we are as individuals, and as women and non-binary royals is our sexuality.
We not only have the permission, but we have the right to explore, create, redeem, and thrive in our sexuality. But because this is a conversation that isn’t being held by the masses, it is important for us as women to write a new chapter on what sexuality means to us, and how we can give ourselves the gift of self-love through self-pleasure and find self-empowerment, confidence, and connection within it.
On this journey of self-love, one of the ways I have found to reconnect with myself and my body has been self-pleasure - a form of self-care and self-love that I prioritize to help me in expressing my divinity as a woman. No, it’s not dirty, it’s not shameful, and it’s well within our many ways of expressing ourselves as women and non-binary royals. So how can we find empowerment in self-pleasure and understand its strength in catalyzing our growth as sexual beings?
wearing the WingWoman Contour Bra and Cotton Super Leakproof Boxer Brief in Black/Image by @iloveairis)
Unlearning What We've Been Taught
Redefining my sexuality has meant unlearning what I was taught about what it should mean and look like. Like many women, I was taught to focus on male pleasure and that tapping into your sexuality was reserved for sex with your partner.
I was also taught that sexuality should be kept in the bedroom and that self-pleasure was shameful and embarrassing. I could go on about the backwards narratives I was taught about how women "should" express themselves or, better yet, repress their sexual desires.
I have had to dismantle these beliefs and redevelop my own values around sexuality, self-expression, and stepping into my sensuality.
Becoming intimate with myself involved asking myself questions I avoided in the past, like “What turns me on? What turns me off? How do I like to be touched? What makes me feel loved? What would make pleasure feel nourishing?”
Answering these questions authentically has allowed me to recognize that self-pleasure is one of the most powerful self-love practices. It connects me to my sexual energy, my radiance, makes me feel powerful as an evolving woman, and brings joy and delight to myself, by myself.
Giving Back to Yourself
In a society where we are constantly giving ourselves in every capacity, how often can we say we are truly giving back to ourselves? Self-care has become a buzz-worthy trend in recent years, but rarely do we think of self-pleasure as a form of self-love.
Self-care can be defined as taking action to preserve or improve upon one’s health, and self-pleasure encompasses this to its core. Sexual wellness is a fundamental part of our overall health.
Self-pleasure is a way to connect with ourselves sexually and emotionally, it is a way to tenderly give love to ourselves energetically through physical touch and to hold space for ourselves and whatever might arise.
We can discover ourselves through self-pleasure and explore areas that may be untapped and untouched. Self-pleasure offers us the opportunity to regain confidence and offers a way to give back to ourselves.
Whether we're looking to relieve stress, improve our mood, or indulge desire, it can be a healing and empowering act.
Loving Your Instrument
You might think sexual energy is about sex, but it's actually about feeling alive. Tantra has helped me shift my mindset and see my body as a divine instrument.
Tantra involves a heightened awareness of all aspects of life — including, not just sex, but how you walk, sleep, drink tea, and show up for your community. It weaves the sacred into your daily life and opened my heart to seeing that everyone around me is love, including myself.
This blog post was written in partnership with knix.
