"You should" was the most dangerous phrase in my fitness journey
Growing up Filipino-American and raised by a traditional Filipino family, I have been running from the phrase “you should” nearly all my life. The messages I received growing up was always centered around beauty, career, and even how to be as a womxn. When it came to what I should be as a grown woman I would hear things like “Anak (which means child in tagalog), you should be a doctor or a nurse.” “You should marry rich.” “You should make sure you have a good job, health insurance, and work hard!”
“Turning your ‘shoulds’ to ‘wants’, ‘cans’, ‘wills’, and ‘coulds’ gives you back the power to make the choices that are more true to who you are. ”
Sadly in my culture, there were also messages centered around beauty and how the older generation of Filipinos looked at our own beauty. I was told that my dark brown skin wasn’t beautiful and in order to be beautiful that I should whiten my skin with whitening soap. This is what I grew up hearing and when I moved out of the house I was happy to rid myself of those should stories so that I could shape my own views of who I could be as a womxn.
Back in 2013 when my fitness journey started, I didn’t really know anything about fitness. It was my first attempt as a grown womxn to reclaim my wellbeing after years of not knowing the importance of prioritizing self-care and treating the body well. Fitness wasn’t never a focus in my upbringing, even taking care of yourself was something that was deemed as selfish by my parents’ generation of Filipinos. I was 29 at the time and at first my fitness journey started off with the strongest intention, to become mentally and emotionally fit, but I slowly got addicted to the results and what was once a journey to become emotionally fit became a journey to see how much I can improve my aesthetics. I got caught up in performance based fitness and soon started to drift away from what I like to refer to with clients as pleasure based wellness.
In 2014 and 2015 I started to consume the “should stories” of fitness and followed all the rules of what fitness and health was traditionally and conventionally defined by. I remember reading things like “You should work out 5-6 days a week” or “You should cut out carbs or you shouldn’t eat ice cream!” Which BTW, I LOVE ice cream! So hearing this was heartbreaking. All the way down to “In order to be a wellness influencer, you should look a certain way.” The pressure in 2015 was relentless and created so much stress in my life that the relationships in my life began to be impacted by the lack of nourishment I was giving them.
Since that moment I’ve started to take a step back from performance based fitness and really started to ask myself “What would fitness or wellness look like to me if I stopped shoulding myself and started to lean into what gave me pleasure and satisfaction?”
It’s one of the main reasons why I am so thrilled to announce my partnership with Halo Top Creamery and to be a part of their Stop Shoulding Yourself campaign!
Halo Top has always been one of our top choices when it comes to ice cream for many reasons. It tastes good, there’s a variety of different options like Keto and Dairy free and has a higher protein content than most ice creams out there which is great for those who might be looking for other ways to incorporate more protein in their daily intake! On top of all of the many reasons why I already love Halo Top, I don’t feel guilt or shame around indulging on ice cream while also being mindful of my own health and wellbeing!
Should stories rob you of the joy of defining life on your terms and I firmly believe that we all have the privilege and permission to define how we live, how we love, and how we view health. Shoulding yourself takes away one’s autonomy and takes you further away from knowing what you want for yourself.
I’ve taken away a lot of “shoulds” in my life already and TBH some of them creep back into my life from time to time and I just gently nudge them away to focus on creating more space for joy and pleasure.
To bring back more harmony between the what you “should” do vs what you want to do here are two different exercises you can try:
Exercise #1:
Before doing anything as yourself "Am I doing this because I want to or because I should?"
If it's because you "should," then ask yourself these two questions: "Why do I believe I should?" "What do I fear will happen if I don't do it?"
Finally, notice if recognizing your choice as a "should" changes the choice itself, or the way it feels to carry out. Even if your actions remain unchanged after going through the exercise above, simply identifying your choice as a "should" or "want" is meaningful, and will help you know your true intentions, and help you be aligned with yourself.
Exercise #2
Dedicate some time for play and pleasure focusing on only the things you want to do. This period of time is a dedicated “should-free” zone. For me its my #magicmornings where I spend the first hour of the day focusing on what I want to do during that time to help move my health forward for the day.
Turning your ‘shoulds’ to ‘wants’, ‘cans’, ‘wills’, and ‘coulds’ gives you back the power to make the choices that are more true to who you are.
Will you join me and “Stop Shoulding Yourself” too?
This post is sponsored by Halo Tap Creamery AND all the words and comments are 100% my own
