How to Cope with a Trauma Response
Trauma can be caused by a range of events and can be as great or small depending on the person experiencing it. Historically when we think of trauma, we think of large events that cause a major effect such as war, natural disasters, accidents, health complications, abuse, violence, and more.
Before we go into how to cope with trauma, we first need to redefine trauma because there are several different forms of trauma that one can experience, and it’s unfair to only say that major events like the ones listed above are the only things that can cause trauma.
“Trauma is not what happens to you. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.”
We are embodied creatures which is why trauma, stress, and live events physically and emotionally impact us.
What is Trauma?
By definition, trauma is a deeply distressing or disturbing experience or a physical injury.
Trauma is the Greek word for "wound".
While the above is true it’s also important to recognize that trauma is also the lasting emotional response that often results from living through a distressing event.
Experiencing a traumatic event can harm a person’s sense of safety, sense of self, and ability to regulate emotions and navigate relationships. Long after the traumatic event occurs, people with trauma can often feel shame, helplessness, powerlessness, and intense fear.
According to Robert Stolorow, trauma is “an unbearable affect that lacks relational home.”
I love that definition because it places absolutely ZERO judgment on whether or not the trauma or pain one experiences is greater than or less than the traditional definitions. It also points out that trauma is merely an unbearable emotional experience. Secondly, trauma lacks a relational home meaning these traumatic states have nowhere to be shared or attached to.
In addition to that, there are also 2 common forms of trauma.
Simple Trauma - a one-time situation
Complex Trauma - trauma that happens over a period of time or one that compounds in a relative way
One of my other favorite trauma experts Dr. Gabor Mate says, “Trauma is not what happens to you. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you."
This framework helps us to understand that the effects of trauma can persist long after the wound was created and every single person copes with it in a different way.
What is a Trauma Response?
A trauma response is a psychological reaction to a traumatic event. It is an individual’s emotional, cognitive, and behavioral response to an overwhelming and dangerous situation.
Trauma responses may include feelings of fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame, as well as physical symptoms such as nausea, trembling, or sweating. Trauma responses can also involve disruptive and intrusive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors related to the traumatic event.
Trauma responses can vary in intensity and duration and can affect people in different ways. It is important to remember that everyone responds differently to trauma and that everyone deserves compassion, understanding, and support.
Trauma responses can happen naturally.
When your body recognizes a threat, your brain and autonomic nervous system (ANS) react quickly, releasing hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.
These hormones trigger physical changes that help prepare you to handle a threat, whether it involves actual physical or emotional danger or perceived harm.
You might, for example:
argue with a loved one who treated you poorly
flee from the path of a car running a red light
freeze when you hear an unexpected noise in the dark
keep quiet about how you really feel to avoid conflict
It’s also possible to have an overactive trauma response. In a nutshell, this means day-to-day occurrences and events most people don’t find threatening can trigger your go-to stress response, whether that’s fight, flight, freeze, fawn, or a hybrid..
Overactive trauma responses are pretty common among survivors of trauma, particularly those who experienced long-term abuse or neglect.
In fact, an overactive trauma response — getting stuck in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, in other words — may happen as part of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD).
The most common coping strategy is avoidance. It’s perfectly natural to want to avoid the memories, people, places, and situations that are associated with traumatic events or even the idea of exploring them. The problem with avoidance is it can keep you “stuck” in the trauma.
In order to cope effectively with the trauma it needs to be understood and processed. Processing trauma is definitely incredible to have a trusted therapist or coach‘s guidance, but you can also try a little self-guided approach if that’s unavailable to you. Here are some of my coping strategies.
Tips on Coping With The Effects of Trauma
Creating a safe space. When working with my clients around addressing conflict with their partner, peer at work, employer, or loved ones I always ask What does a safe space to explore this situation look like? When self-exploring trauma responses you want to create create a safe space. This can be a physical location that is real to you or an imaginary one. If you’re creating a physical space fill it with things that bring on a sense of comfort. I love to be by or at somewhere warm. Water needs to be close to me, both to drink and to wash my face off if I start to feel anxious, and I need some sort of fire or candle. Now that I think about it I love both my astrological elements to surround me when I embark on a little self-exploration.
Name it to tame it. Feel it to heal it. Naming the state you’re in is a great way to identify and effectively communicate to yourself or others how you might be behaving due to the effects you’re experiencing. It’s easy to get lost in the waves of emotions and fear that can come with processing trauma. To stay present with your experience, it’s important to take a deep breath and really try to stay connected to your current emotions. Allow yourself to feel them and understand why they are there without trying to change them in any way
Journal, scribe, or write. Journaling was my lifesaver, literally, when I was in high school and still is today. Writing down your thoughts or describing your emotions on paper can be so useful in coping with trauma. This also helps you to slow down your thoughts because you are having to jot them down.
Use grounding strategies. This can be anything that works for you such as breathing, visualization techniques, meditation, CBD , essential oils, yoga, etc. Activities where you can focus on your five senses when can be encouraging to stay in the moment. This can also help aid any anxiety this may cause.
Seek support from your secure relationships. Having a trusted relationship is extremely helpful to feel safe. This could be your partners, parents, friends, therapist or other mental/emotional health professional.
Create some boundaries, but be flexible! Creating boundaries around potential triggers and people who create additional stress is essential both in everyday life and especially when going through an intensely emotional period. During this time I typically shut down any additional conversations with people outside of my support system, go offline on social media, and let our kids gently know that money is busy doing some internal refurbishing.
Exercise or movement. Movement is a powerful form of healing. Exercise and other forms of physical activity can help to regulate the nervous system and help to release some of the more overwhelming emotions associated with trauma.
Ask for space to be held and take it up! This might be a challenge for someone who doesn’t like to ask for help (ahem, moi!) but it’s a vital thing to ask for especially from your secure relationships or support system. During the first 24 hours of this most recent experience I really leaned into Jonathan. That wasn’t easy for me because I often see myself as the strong one, but it gave him an opportunity to grow and practice his newly developed communication skills with me and he did an incredible job. He’s one of the main reasons I recovered so quickly so that I could write about it today!
Ask for space to be given. Holding space and giving space are two different things. Giving someone space is exactly what it sounds while holding space is actively being present to give the other person permission to be seen and heard. Both can be done without judgement or criticism. This is similar to creating boundaries, but if you’re with someone during this process you may need them to pause engaging with you.
Give yourself a double dose of self-compassion. When in an escalated emotional state you may respond in ways that you’re not too happy with or proud of. Recognize that this is a moment in time that you are experiencing and that this moment will pass. Remind yourself that the way you respond is understandable given the circumstance. We all respond differently and it might not be the same way you responded before.
Double dip in acceptance. Our worlds constantly move even when we are in a complete stop. There were probably things or tasks that were “too hard” to accomplish during that time, and let that be OK. Accepting that your external world is a bit messy while you’re inner world is under construction is perfectly respectable. In fact, it’s praiseworthy!
The healing process is not a race. There is no timeline and trying to rush it will only hinder your progress. Take your time and be gentle with yourself as you move through the journey of healing.
Maybe some of us, processed the trauma the first time through different emotions but suppressed others to try to gradually diminish the pain. And if you’ve ever watched Inside Out by Pixar, then you’ll know you can’t have joy without sadness.
Most importantly, you can’t move past the pain of the trauma without experiencing and expressing all the emotions that might be trapped with that trauma. The effects of trauma can leave imprints on the body. After all, we have embodied creatures which is why trauma, stress, and live events physically and emotionally impact us.
