How to hold space for others
You’ve probably heard the term “holding space” a lot thanks to Instagram. It’s a term that is often used in coaching and in therapy. If you’ve ever been to therapy or worked with a coach then you’ll know how beneficial holding space can be. Having space where you can lean into vulnerability while having agency in that process can be a powerful thing.
WHAT IS HOLDING SPACE?
"Holding space” means being physically, mentally, and emotionally present for someone. It means putting your focus on someone to support them as they feel their feelings. An important aspect of holding space is managing judgment while you are present.
An important aspect of holding space is suspending judgment while you are present. The person who is holding space helps set the experience for an open, curious, and judgment-free interaction where the other person can be vulnerable, and like the term says “have space.”
When you hold space for someone, you create a forum where they can feel safe(r). It's an opportunity for the person to felt seen, heard, and acknowledged in their human experience and self-expression.
The beautiful part about holding space is that you can also do it for yourself. Can you be present with yourself - emotionally, physically, and mentally? If you can, then yes. It might be hard to put your focus so completely on yourself. It can be terrifying to sit with your own feelings, sensations, and thoughts and let go of judgment. But it’s important to so that you can learn how it feels like in your body to be seen and heard and to create that sense of safety in yourself. Only then can you teach others how to hold space for you in the way that you need it most.
Holding space is something that isn’t necessarily taught to us. It can feel uncomfortable to sit with something instead of taking action, especially if that’s your usual approach. If you’re struggling with ways to hold space for yourself and for others, here are some things to keep in mind.
5 TIPS ON HOLDING SPACE
Refocus your listening and be present with the person speaking.
This requires you to suspend your judgment, no zooming forward, or thinking of your next response.
Don't jump into problem-solving mode!
When we hear someone share something difficult, our first instinct might be to try to reframe the situation or find a way to solve the problem. Neither of these is the point of holding space; the point is to be there for that person, without judgment.
Don’t center yourself.
We know It’s often easier to understand something when we can relate it back to ourselves. Try to resist the urge to insert yourself in the situation. There is a time and a place to talk about your experiences, but holding space isn’t it.
Reassure them that you believe in them.
While holding space for someone, it can be helpful to express that you believe them, and you believe in them. Tell them they are being seen and heard. Most people just want to be witnessed in their most vulnerable experiences. This creates trust. Remind them that you believe in their knowledge and intuition.
Be open to whatever emotions come up.
You never know what’s going to come up when you give someone space to be vulnerable. Remember that you are in conversation with a human being, not a human doing. As humans, we have a range of human experiences and emotions. Emotions are complicated and can be confusing. Instead of trying to control what feelings come up, encourage and allow space for the other person to let it out. Let them know that you are there for them, no matter what comes up.
