I grew up in a society that was intensely gendered, including clothes and activities, among other things. Inside and outside of my home, binary notions of gender dictated what people could and couldn’t do.

We live in the San Francisco Bay Area where the environment is more progressive and school documents include non-binary checkboxes where students can indicate their preferred name, but this may not be the case in other areas.

As parents, we instinctively want to protect our kids from harm — especially if there’s a chance they might be “othered.” But the best thing to do is acknowledge their sovereignty and embrace gender diversity by offering support and holding space for your kids.

"Holding space” means being physically, mentally, and emotionally present for someone. It means putting your focus on someone to support them as they feel their feelings. An important aspect of holding space is managing judgment while you are present.

An important aspect of holding space is suspending judgment while you are present. The person who is holding space helps set the experience for an open, curious, and judgment-free interaction where the other person can be vulnerable, and like the term says “have space.”

On paper I had it all — a successful tech career, my health, two daughters, a dog, a home we were safely in, I was cultivating the most beautiful adult friendships with my girlfriends, and a young marriage that had been through some shit and still standing.

But somewhere deep inside there was this quiet voice saying "You deserve more. You deserve to not feel like you're not enough or too much."