Relationships are our greatest teachers.
Relationships are not just about two people. It encompasses two inner children, two inner biologies, four ancestral lineages, two hearts, two genitals, two inner judges and critics, two primal brains, two stories, two karmas, two spiritual paths and oftentimes a plethora of emotional baggage from past experiences.
When two people come together in a relationship, they bring with them everything that has shaped them up until that point in their lives. They bring their fears, their hopes, their dreams, their wounds, their strengths, and their vulnerabilities. They bring their personalities, their values, their beliefs, their habits, and their quirks. They bring their preferences, their boundaries, their expectations, and their needs. They bring their past experiences with love and relationships, whether positive or negative.
All of these elements collide and interact in the dance of a relationship. It is a complex and dynamic interplay, full of highs and lows, joys and challenges, growth and setbacks. It requires communication, empathy, compassion, patience, understanding, and forgiveness. It requires a willingness to be vulnerable, to listen, to compromise, to respect, and to support. It requires a commitment to growth, both individually and as a couple.
A healthy relationship is one that allows both partners to feel seen, heard, valued, and loved for who they truly are. People come together to heal, evolve and experience. It is one that brings out the best in each other and makes the journey of life more meaningful and fulfilling.
I have experienced many relationships in my lifetime. I’ve witnessed the inner workings of relationships for over 30 years, starting from the moment I began to see my parents for who they were at 17 years old.
Relationships are our greatest teachers if we allow them to be.
Something I wish I had learned earlier in my life was the skills of how to cultivate a high relational intelligence.
We spend most of our lives learning how to get on top of the world in our careers and our bank accounts, but we have little education on how to be a better human.
Looking back at my decision to divorce, I thought I was just divorcing my ex-spouse. Now I see I was divorcing all the trauma cycles that no one in our ancestral lineage knew how to heal so I had to be the one to break the cycle.
My divorce taught me how to heal from the cycles of pain, and it taught me to view every relationship I am in with a trauma-informed lens.
I learned how to communicate with impeccable presence, attuning to the somatic resonance of my body and speaking with as much truth as possible, even if it’s misunderstood and messy.
I learned how to love every inch of my body and soul, step into my divinity, and see the sovereignty in me.
I learned all of this so that I can see the sovereignty in others.
Creating and maintaining such a relationship is not a given. It requires intention, effort, and wisdom.
It requires a willingness to do the inner work and to face and heal the wounds that may be holding us back. It requires a willingness to learn effective communication skills and to navigate conflicts in a constructive way.
It requires a commitment to prioritize each other and to make time for the relationship, despite the busyness and stress of daily life.
A relationship is a beautiful and profound expression of human connection and love.
It is a mirror that reflects our deepest selves and our potential for growth and happiness. It is a gift that we give ourselves and each other, a blessing that enriches our lives and the world around us.
