I Wrote a Love Letter to My Depression
Content warning: content includes mentions of suicide and sexual trauma
Something I always tell my clients, “One of the most beautiful aspects about cultivating erotic intelligence through somatic practices and tantric rituals is that the body begins to create a foundation of love for parts of our body-mind to heal.”
This year I told myself that I wanted to deepen my commitment to self-love. So while I was in Joshua Tree spending a few days integrating after a Breakthrough Day Immersion I realized that I wasn’t loving the part of me that experiences my mental illness.
The moment I had that aha moment, I made a commitment to myself once again. I said, “I commit to loving all parts of me and when I can’t seem to access that love I will dig even deeper to find it.” My whole body felt this release the moment those words left my mouth. I felt this weight just fall off my shoulders and back.
After feeling resourced in my own orgasmic bliss knowing I am living the life of my deepest desires. I came home and within 10 days a trauma response sent me into a spiral that resulted in calling the crisis hotline.
I spent the afternoon regulating my nervous system by co-regulating with my partner, soothing myself with coloring in a coloring book, and activating my sensuality by being outside in the backyard with nature. It felt so sacred and divine like I had a healing ritual with my soul.
The experience I had that morning was such a gift. I was able to journal again, a part of my expression I was too afraid to come back to because most of my journal posts have the untold tales of hurt, disappointment, and pain from the divorce process. and the feelings of being abandoned as a mother by the father of their kids.
It was cathartic.
In the process of journaling, something surprising came out on paper, a love letter to my depression.
A powerful healing practice I invite clients to try for anyone who’s hurt them in the past or even their younger version of selves is to write a letter expressing any unexpressed feelings, thoughts, or emotions. It’s a powerful practice that often leads to self-compassion and self-forgiveness. The two potent ingredients of self-love.
One of the biggest key erotic and relational intelligence lessons I teach is to recognize, not hide from, and to honor feelings, no matter how challenging or uncomfortable they may be in a safe container
As I wrote this letter to my depression, I realized I was also offering a love letter to my own inner knowing and potency. I thanked my depression for the gifts of resilience and growth. I praised myself for mending my broken pieces and for finding the strength to take action that aligns with my highest good, despite the fear or insecurities.
I was so turned on seeing how far I have come and the beauty of my own spirit!
I finished this love letter with a recommitment to self-love, compassion, and embodied pleasure. I have come to understand that depression has shown me how to be resilient and strong and to never give up on myself. It's a reminder to live my life fully, to not take anything for granted, and to cherish every moment as a sensual prayer.
My grateful heart is filled with so much love, and I thank my depression for being my teacher, my mentor, and my greatest love.
“We are not just the happy, positive, and joyful parts of ourselves. We are also the sad, angry, and depressed parts of ourselves. And that is okay. It is all a part of the human experience.”
Since this moment of self-love, I have been more intentional with my self-care practices and how I spend my time. I now make sure to give myself permission to just be, to listen to my body, feel my feelings, honor my sacred needs, and take action to do something for myself.
That love letter to my depression was such an amazing gift, and it shifted the entire experience of being in my body while learning how to integrate my mental illness into my everyday life. I'm so grateful for this journey and for being able to see the beauty within my own darkness.
If you decide to write this letter, share your experience on your IG stories and tag me so I can support you and cheer you on this wild sacred ritual that is your life.
I share this story with you, dear reader, not to glamorize mental illness but to share the power of self-love and the beauty of embracing all parts of ourselves. We are not just the happy, positive, and joyful parts of ourselves. We are also the sad, angry, and depressed parts of ourselves. And that is okay. It is all a part of the human experience.
I invite you to take a moment to reflect on the parts of yourself that you may not fully embrace or love. Maybe it's your own depression or anxiety, your body, or your sexuality. Whatever it may be, I encourage you to write a love letter to that part of yourself. To thank it for the lessons it has taught you, and for the resilience, it has given you. To honor it and love it unconditionally.
Remember, we are all beautifully flawed, and it is in our imperfections that we find our greatest strengths. Embrace all of who you are, and allow yourself to be loved and seen in your entirety. You deserve it.
"If you or someone you know is struggling with difficult life circumstances or uncomfortable thoughts and emotions, we are here to help. You do not need to be experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings to call. Trained crisis intervention counselors are available to receive crisis calls and give supportive counseling 24 hours a day, every day."
Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org
NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE: 1-800-273-8255
