To me self pleasure isn't about orgasms, it's about self empowerment
The other week on Instagram I openly admitted to masturbating and indulging in self-pleasure rituals. Something I would have never been able to admit publicly or even to my partner a couple of years ago. All things changed for me in 2018 when Jonathan and I started to redefine sex and intimacy.
Empowering Ourselves Through Self Pleasure
In a society that traditionally centralizes on sex from a man’s vantage view, sexuality from a woman’s point of view is not as openly shared, discussed, or celebrated. The culture we live in has normalized masturbation for men, but the topic around self-pleasure for women has been not only taboo but also looked at as shameful or dirty. What is backward about that imposition is that a huge part of who we are as individuals, and as women is our sexuality.
We not only have the permission, but we have the right to explore, create, redeem, and thrive in our sexual energy. But because this is a conversation that isn’t being held by the masses, it is important for us as women to write a new chapter on what sexuality means to us, and how we can give ourselves the gift of self-pleasure and find self-empowerment, confidence, and connection within it.
Redefining Sexual Power
In redefining my own chapter of what sexual power means and the place it holds within me, I have had to uncover the role it has played in my life. What I have recognized while deep diving into my relationship with sexuality, is that because of the sexual trauma and abuse that I dealt with in my past, I have struggled with tapping into my sexuality or even giving it the attention I didn’t realize it needed. As I discussed in my blog post, “WTF is Sexual Wellness?” It has been a long and emotional road for me to reclaim the sexual creature within me, giving that side of me the attention it deserves and understanding that it is a vital part of my being that I need to honor, respect and bring to light.
On this journey, one of the ways I have found to reconnect with myself and my body has been self-pleasure - a form of self-care that I prioritize to help me in expressing my divine power as a woman. No, it’s not dirty, it’s not shameful, and it’s well within our many ways of expressing ourselves as women. So how can we find empowerment in self-pleasure and understand its strength in catalyzing our growth as sexual beings?
Unlearning What We Have Been Taught
In my journey to redefining my sexuality, I have had to unlearn a lot of what has been taught to me about what it should mean and look like. I, like many of us women, have been taught that sex and pleasure are for the man and that the only reason to tap into sexuality is for sex with your partner. I was also taught that sexuality is something that should be kept in the bedroom, along with that self-pleasure is a shameful act and something to be embarrassed about. I can go on about all of the backward narratives I was taught about sexuality and how a woman “should” express herself about it, or not at all. I have had to dismantle these beliefs around sexuality by redeveloping what my own beliefs and values are around being a sexual woman who desires to express herself as such and step into my sensuality rather than shy away from it. I have become intimate with myself, and asked myself questions I would avoid in the past, like “what turns me on? How do I like to be touched? What makes me feel sexiest? Through answering these questions authentically, I have recognized that self-pleasure is an important way for me to sink into my sexual energy, feel powerful as an evolving woman, and bring joy and pleasure to myself, by myself.
Giving Back to Yourself
In a society where we are constantly giving ourselves in every capacity, how often can we truly say we are giving back to ourselves? Self-care has become a buzzworthy trend in recent times, but when we think of the different forms of self-care, many of us wouldn’t think self-pleasure would be added to the list. There are a number of reasons we should rethink that. Self-care can be defined as taking action to preserve or improve upon one’s health, and self-pleasure encompasses that to its core. I have openly discussed sexual wellness in the past, and the truth is that sex/sexuality is a fundamental part of our overall health. Self-pleasure is a way to connect with ourselves sexually and emotionally, it is a way for us to form and play with our sexual energy, and to hold space for ourselves for whatever desire we are seeking. We can discover ourselves through self-pleasure and explore areas that may be untapped and untouched. Self-pleasure offers us the opportunity to regain confidence and gifts us a way of giving back to ourselves. Whether we self-pleasure for stress relief, to improve our mood, or indulge in our desires, it is empowering and healing in nature and act.
A lot of my recent goals have been surrounding opening up dialogue around subjects that have been criticized, avoided, dismissed, and called taboo. Although we live in a super sexualized world, we don’t see plentiful representations or conversations around how we can empower ourselves through healthy sexual activity and exploration of sexuality. In my most authentic form, I have found myself discussing sexual wellness more abundantly than ever before, and sharing parts of my life that have really helped me regain my sexual confidence, energy and divine power as a woman. I have worked hard to tap back into my sexuality and rewrite what it means in all its forms for me. I have reconnected with parts of myself I forgot existed and a lot of that has been through the gift of self-pleasure. I have come to understand its strength in finding love and belonging within myself, and how to tell my story as a sexual being.
Through self-pleasure, I have learned to give back to myself, honor my body, and harness my sexuality. Although these topics used to be something I would shy away from in my past, it has now become something I have grown to have a genuine passion for and have recognized as a threshold for a lot of personal growth and self-improvement. It is an integral part of my truth as a womxn in progress, and I am empowered to sharing it with all of you.
